Now for those of you who don't speak the German, I was just welcoming you, my readers, to a very special Cinco de Mayo post! But really what is Cinco de Mayo about? According to the experts at Wikipedia, Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Battle of Puebla, where the Mexican Army was able to defeat the invading French Army. So every year I faithfully recreate this historic event by downing 7 or 8 bottles of the cheapest tequila food stamps can buy and engaging the local wine shoppe in war games.
They never see me coming, until it's too late.
But this year I'm not quite up for it. I guess I'm not as young as I used to be. Maybe I'll just settle for 3 or 4 bottles and sit on my patio hurling obscenities at anyone wearing a beret. But until then I guess I'll just keep on blogging. So to the Mexican people(Who still haven't visited my blog), I dedicate this post to you.
How to sneak across the border
Sneaking across the border is no easy task, it is both physically and mentally exhausting and there is always some risk that you will not survive the trek.
Crossing by foot is the simplest method, but also by far the most treacherous. You've got to worry about exposure to the elements, hypothermia, heat stroke, dehydration and drowning. Yep, you can die from dehydration and drowning, that's pretty fucked up. Not to mention the border patrol and militia nuts, who won't hesitate to shoot you on sight. You may be able to enlist help from a Coyote, but they're usually dicks.
Look at this asshole; he thinks he's better than you.
Next up in the land column we have automobile. Ah, nothing beats traveling the countryside in a fine automobile, windows down, the warm breeze racing past your head catching your hair, scented ever so delicately with the aroma of daisy and honey suckle. In front of you nothing but open green pastures and a road that winds all the way to the horizon. Anyways, this is where you'll be sitting.
Before you get settled in, you should probably wait for the 4 other dudes you're bunking with.
Although, it's not really accurate to call it "sitting" when it's more a laying completely motionless in a confined space with limited light, air and "blinking room". I only chose to use the word sitting because there is no word in the English language that encapsulates such an action.Furthermore, it's fitting tha- no wait, dying. That's the word I was looking for, dying.
TO BE CONTINUED
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1 comment:
hola amigo
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