Make new foes, but keep the old, for one is silver, the other gold.

Happy middle of the week, my chili cheese blogs!

Some pretty interesting happenings today, my readers. So the day began like any other, I was down in the lab try to hybridize a cactus with a bald eagle in a half-hearted feat of mad science driven mostly by boredom.

*Yawn* Throw the switch, Igor. Or not. Whatever.

I had just finished synthesizing the necessary restriction endonuclease enzymes and was prepping the centrifuge (What you didn't think mad science involved science?), when I decided that I would take a quick break and cool off with a refreshing glass of iced tea. While I was enjoying my cool beverage, I heard something outside, a raucous, or possibly a commotion. It was coming from across the street. I could hear a truck backing up, the beep-beep-beep over the sound of people loudly talking. I rushed upstairs to the lookout tower and surveyed the scene. I smiled, It was just as I'd thought: Movers.

Those Nazis at the zoning board never had a chance.

But before I tell this story I should give you a little background information. You see before this new family,  moved into the neighborhood, the house across the street used to belong to a Dr. Armageddon, my former arch-nemesis.

Pictured: Dr. Harold M. Armageddon P.H.D., dermatologist.

A formidable foe, he was always foiling my schemes and I, his. I terrorize the neighborhood with my doom ray, he calls the police. I unleash the virulent Pathogen X into the water supply, he calls the police. I steal the world's supply of silicon, he calls the police. Though to be fair, I dished it out, as well as I got it. Like the time he was "planting azaleas" in his "garden". Obviously some plot to release mind-controlling spores into the air, so I burnt down his front porch and salted the earth. Well for reasons unspecified he moved out his home last month...

 Seven or eight swarms of reasons unspecified.

...and since then his house just sits there, empty. A constant reminder of better days. Since then it seems that I haven't been able to get any of my usual mad sciencing done.You see reader, a nemesis isn't just someone who thwarts your plans or blows up your underwater base of operations. No, a nemesis is someone who drives you to be your best, that irritating grain of sand, whose constant annoyance results in a glimmering pearl. The grain of sand that I lost last month...

But now these people, they can be my new nemeses! First and foremost, I'll need to do some intel on these people, find out exactly who I'll be pitting my wits against. Fortunately  was able to reach them before any of my other neighbors could, who probably would've turned them against me immediately with their crazy stories of what I did yesterday.

Ok, this is at most only 40% my fault.

So I invited them over for a welcoming dinner. Over a delicious meal of macaroni and cheese I was able to find out that my new neighbors refer to themselves collectively as "The Wilkins". At first I surmised they might have been some form of hive mind, but after failing to find any of the interconnecting tubes commonly associated with hive minds I abandoned this theory.

Other facts I have learned about this family unit are that it consists of 3 primary members. Frank, the father works as a paralegal downtown, he enjoys bass fishing. The mother, Diane, actively collects cat figurines, she works as a as a school nurse at the local elementary school which is also attended by the daughter, Little Suzie Wilkins, a 3rd grader who like fuzzy stickers and "Shrek". They hail from Arizona, suggesting they have a high tolerance for heat and boredom.

 They must possess formidable survival training to live in such a desolate wasteland.

Unfortunately I was unable to ascertain any information on other vital subjects, those Wilkins are far more cunning than they appear.Here is a short transcript of what happened that dinner.


Gary: So, Wilkins Family.How are you enjoying life in the neighborhood

Diane: Well we just got here, but it's certainly different from Arizona, I'll say that much

*Amicable laughter had by all*

Gary: So now that we have gotten acquainted, let us play a party game.

Frank: Well that sounds...alright. Do you have pictiona-

Gary: We will be playing fill-in-the-blanks. A game of my own creation. Franklin Wilkins, (blank) is my secret irrational phobia. Fill in the blank.

Frank: Uh, what?

Gary: We will skip your turn. Diane Wilkins, (blank) can be considered my greatest and most exploitable weakness. Fill in the blank.

Diane: *uncomfortable chucking* Well I'd have to say- OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT THING?!?

Suzie: Mommy, I'm scared.

Gary: Do not be afraid Wilkins Family, that is Mr. Scruffaduff, he is only trained to attack is you provoke him. He considers blinking provocation.

(Twenty seconds later)

Gary: It was a joke. I am joking.You are now free to leave. If you enjoy having your hands I would not touch anything on your way out. If you enjoy the company of your legs, I would not walk on the lawn.

They left as quickly as they arrived. The Wilkins: A riddle wrapped in a  mystery wrapped in an enigma. Luckily thanks in part to Mr. Scruffaduff, I was able to get several blood, hair, skin, and bits of teeth samples from each family member; which should help me fill in the blanks from dinner. Wilkins Family, I may have just met you, but I already know, you will be my greatest arch-enemies yet. The only question now is who'll make the first move?



















Me. It will be me.

 I'm not sure how yet, but this will feature heavily in my next scheme