Happy 10th Blogiversary!!!

Wooo! Can you believe it, my bloggy biscuits? Can you believe that I've made it all the way to history making 10 posts? That's two whole digits right there mother fucker, you'd need ALL your fingers to count the number of posts I've made. Damn right that's impressive.But  how does one celebrate an occasional as momentous as this? Sure we could go with the usual caviar flavoured champagne and diamond encrusted hookers, but even that doesn't seem fancy enough. We need to kick it up a notch, a notch made in a column of elephant tusk inlaid with rubies and black pearls surrounded by angel winged hookers (the wings are made from California condors) sprinkling rose water flecked with gold. So inorder to mark the occasion,  I've decided to add pictures on my blog!

Now I have a theory, and bear with me it's a little out there. I don't believe that psychiatric wards or "loony bins" as you may know them are places where they rehabilitate the mentally ill. No, I believe that these are places where they secretly hold "crazy-offs" between the patientsie) who can convince the invisible rabbits to stop killing people and  then blending into society by wearing their skin) , until one of them is crowned King or Queen Crazy. Once his or her highness is crowned, they whisk him/her/himher away in a helicopter to Hollywood, where they get to direct the next Lady Gaga music video.Farfetched, you say? Maybe I'm the crazy one, you say? I'm not saying any of this things, you say? Watch this. Seriously watch it, it's critical for the next part.



I'll give you a minute to apologize for being wrong.

.....

I accept your apology. Now for a quick play by play of the crazy.

Now our scene starts 37 seconds in with what seem to be horrible white gimp looking things emerging from medic waste bin/tanning beds. Sure that's a little creepy, but with Lady Gaga's impressive track record, frankly we've expect more from her wo-

Wow, that shut me up. Jesus Christ what are these things? They look like the bastard offspring of Max from "Where the Wild Things Are" and the Xenomorph from Alien.

 Their parents said no, but their hearts said yes.

Now this one isn't blatantly creepy, at first glance it's just some red head sitting in a bathtub in a room whiter than the annual Albino Nascar convention. That is, until you get to her eyes. Man alive, those are some huge peepers, they don't belong on a human face, they belong atop a tower somewhere in the depths of Mordor.

You know how things are often scarier in the dark than they are in the light? Noises, shadows, black people etc.Well not so much for these things. I think I may actually be afraid of the light now. Also making them act like cats isn't doing anything to make them less terrifying.

Hooray for date rape!

I've heard of chain-mail, but chin-mail? Yes, that was a pun.This is captain chinface; he's not too important, but he comes up later, so I thought I might as well bring him up. Bonus points if you can spot his friends the effeminate umpire  and shirtless man 1-38.

It

Now this is what we've come to expect from Lady Gaga, this shot alone is even creepier than what passes for most horror movies. In this scene Lady Gaga is in a cage  perhaps counting the number of sane things she's done this year. Note the weird spine bumps and horrifying pig face head protrusion almost screaming "KILL ME". Ahh, classic Gaga.

It still beats DJ Hero.

Little known fact Lady Gaga released a video game in Europe in 2008. It was just a continuous loop of "Bad Romance" and a microphone. You'd get one point everytime you shouted "What the FUCK!!!" into the microphone. This is a screen shot 30 seconds into the game.

Assuming each one of those is a blood diamond, that's roughly the population of Zaire, Lady Gaga is dancing in.

Meh, of all the crazy ass things that Lady Gaga has tried to wear as clothes, a model of the solar system is pretty tame. Honest to god this may be the most functional piece of clothing in her entire wardrobe. Which includes such lovies as...
- Cancer Goggles
-  A Ze. That's a zebra without a bra! Heeeey-o.
- 3 Black Guys and a Wheelchair.

All this stuff was found in a box marked "Evening Wear". Even the black guys.

 What's a music video without animal cruelty? It was a live polar bear at the beginning of the video shoot, but it took its own life the third hour in. To keep her dancers from doing the same, Lady Gaga actually locks them in special chambers. They were those coffin things you saw at the beginning of the video. But yeah another wacky Gaga costume? Yawn. It looks like maybe she's used up all her crazy too early...

 

Maybe not.

AND SHE STICKS THE LANDING! Now, this is the kind of top quality hi-octane liquid crazy we expect! I've not even going to make a joke about this one, that's how off the charts nutso this scene is.

PS: Didja recognize Captain Chinface over there?

Well there you have it folks, a fitting end to my 10th blogiversary spectacular bonanzathon! Hopefully I'll be around for another ten posts, but don't take my word on that. So until next time this is me signing off.