I'm back! What a 6 days it's been eh? I was a little burnt out after my Gagarriffic post last almost a week ago so I took a few days off (also I may or may not have a life). Well anyways the feedback I've gotten on my 10th blogiversary megapost spectacularrrrrr (you gotta roll the r's) , was that went over fairly well so I'm happy about that. Alright, so what's up for today's post? Well I don't know. its not like I have anything planned, I have a tendency to bullshit and hope for the best. Not the smartest thing to do, but hey when it works, it works.
Soooo....today, todaaaaaay,to-day. Hmmm. I got it! You know which which race I hate the most? Well not a oubt in my mind, it'd have to be those dirty ugly borderline retar-No, wait I have I have a better idea!
How to win a fight against a small child.
So you're fighting a small child! Why are you doing this? Why not?It is a well known fact that children are God's most evil creation. That's right even worse than the Hitler Shark.
You ever notice in those horror movies when Satan comes to Earth, he never inhabits, say, a tiger or a lion or even a rhino? No, because they're never evil enought, he always goes straight for a little kid.The Omen, Rosemary's Baby and Children of the Corn 1-38 are all examples of this.Children are created to look adorable and innocent, yet underneath their smiling facades are lakes of pure black vileness so deep that not even the light of ten thousand suns could break the surface; and you've just chosen to get into a fight with one of these demon-bastards.
Now you'll need to go in prepared. I'm talking Uzis taped to both biceps, no less than 12 hidden knives on your person and a Dora the Explorer doll filled a hand grenade and roofing nails. But even before your epic battle, you'll need to go over their strengths and weaknesses, just so you throughly know what you're getting yourself into.
Strengths
- Children are just at that height, where any punch they swing or kick they throw is roughly crotch level (Men)
- They still often still posess their sharp and jaggedy baby teeth, which they will undoubtedly use.
- They are seldom alone, often congregating with many others in their hell-swarms or as we know them "Play Groups"
-If you hit a child, they will release a defensive pheromone that will cause adults/police offers in the immediate area to fall under their control and start attacking you.
- Even if you do win, chances are you're going to jail
Weaknesses
- They're really small, to the point where you could pick one up and throw it quite a distance with little effort.
- They lack knowledge of the real world. Pay someone to dress up as Santa Claus and have them tell the child that Christmas is cancelled forever.
-They are easily distracted, jangle your keys and then punch them in the face.
- They have almost no resistance to fire
EDIT: Woooo peeps, can you believe it? Over 100 views and only about 80 of those is me!
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