So today whilst I was minding my own business, training a swarm of bees to both carry and operate a 9mm handgun, when I spot in the local news paper that the 6/49, the Canadian lottery; not the number 0.12244898, has reached a whopping 41 million ducats. That's a lot of goddamn money. It's almost enough to make me buy a ticket. Almost. So why won't I buy one? Is it the immeasurably small odds that I'll actually win? No, it isn't. If I believed in numbers and facts and all that baloney-craft, then I certainly wouldn't head down to the race track every Sunday and lose a bundle betting on the dog that one three-legged dog because he's got the the biggest heart or as the medical professionals call it "enlarged".
If you laugh at this, you're going to hell.
Sure I could probably figure it out with some first-grade reading, but who am I, famous British author Sir Kingsley Amis? No, I am not. But maybe just this once I will navigate the labyrinthine passages of the lotto 6/49 ballot for a chance at the jackpot. I mean my coffers have been dwindling the last few months, I've even had to switch from hunchbacked lab assistants to camels in lab coats. It's a sad thing when a man can't even take care of his mail-order laboratory slaves -sigh-.Well, I'm off to the dog track, I hear they've brought in a two-legged dog with a speech impediment, and I'm going to get all over that. So until next time, don't forget: The ocean is deep enough to hide even the darkest of your sins :)
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2 comments:
Don't do it, Gary, it's a trick! The reason why the jackpot it so large is because people like you keep falling for their ploys. Be strong. Invest your money and save over the period of many years, then die before you ever have a chance of spending or enjoying any of your hoarded treasures.
Actually, forget it, go buy two and pick me up one while you're there. Also a carton of cigarettes and some hookers would be nice.
yo, you didnt win.
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