34: The Revolution Solution

S'going on my severe cases of blog-orrhoea?

Me? I've spent these last *ahem*four or so months giving back to the world. From fixing cleft palates in Rwanda to  financing micro-loans for small businesses in Micronesia, not to mention my work with the Global Food Bank.
My last four months have been every bit as philantropic as they have been personally rewarding. Yep, doing some really important work. Work so important in fact, that no one could possibly be angry with me with the amount of time it's been since my last blog post.  And that's the lie I'm sticking with.

The other one involved ghosts.

Alright readers, well if you haven't been living in a cave somewhere you've probably heard of the current political turmoil is countries like Tunisia, Egypt and most recently Libya and North Korea. To be frank, the people are revolting. The stew of corrupt government, decades of opression and poor living conditions has finally boiled over and the people have taken to the street in protest. They march to remind the government of its place in society, that a governing body answers to its people and not to other way around.

Man, I bet those Libyan Kinkos are getting paid.

The match that lit this powderkeg was Tunisia, they were the toppled domino that would unravel the sweater of corruption that strung across much of the Middle East like an insidious web. Opening a can of worms that would riggle themselves into a storm on the horizon. Tunisia was just the opening salvo, the taste of things to come, the foot in the door.

These are also probably things that Tunisia is/are

My point being these dictators are all wimps. "Boo hoo, my country is all up-in-arms I better get my military to knock them around a bit until they settle down". Pathetic. Had they any real leadership skills, these revolutions would've never have happened.

 

Pinheads.

I mean anyone can be cruel enough to order the mass executions of any dissenting party members, but it takes a special kind of cruelty, to the point where your people will not utter your name for they believe it will bring about the death of your crops, that's the kind of cruelty that builds stable long-term dictatorships.
.

Beetleführer....Beetleführer....Beetführ-OHMYGODDIDYOUHEARTHAT

And since it would seem no one has any idea on how to run a dictatorship anymore, I will be holding a series of classes at the Learning Annex Fridays from 6:30 to 9:30 in the multi-purpose room across the hall from Beginner's Moroccan Cuisine. Be sure to arrive bright and early with a three ringed binder, paper, pens and your personal Amazonian guard.

Avaliable where ever fine dictatorial supplies sold.

But for those of you who may be hesitant in attending the class, I present the first lecture on-line free of charge.

Polishing the Iron Fist:How to maintain your public image while opressing the public.

Hello Class, my name is Professor Gary.

Though I may seem light hearted in using my first name as the follower to my status designator as contrary to the usual use of the more proper surname, let me assure you now that I am not. 

This will be your T.A. Mr. Scruffaduff. He is currently working toward a Master's in American Literature with a minor in Terror, and he will be in charge of all your tutorial sections as well as grading the weekly assignments. Say hello. 

NO EXTENSIONS.

Well enough stalling; onto the lecture for today. 

 

Polishing the Iron Fist: Mainting your public image while oppressing the public

It seems in this increasingly techonological age, it's becoming more and more difficult to execute a group of political dissidents by firing squad without everyone and their mother finding out. As a result dictators have had to resort to more and more secretive measures.Which in turn causes their people grow suspicious of their government when they aren't being told what's happening, which leads to more dissidence which leads to the need for more mass executions and...well it's a cruel cycle.

Now there are multiple ways to break this cycle. The best, I feel, is distraction as it turns the tables on technology. Sure the fact that information can literally zoom around the globe in micro-seconds can be a major bane to those who may want to keep their body counts quiet. 

3,000? 4,000? Only my hairdresser knows for sure.