Nineteenth post? More like FINE-teenth post! amirite?

How's it hanging my blogaddocios.

If you're wondering about the totally radical changing of my blog's background colour, well today is April Fools Day  and sites all over the internet are engaged in all sorts of tomfoolery, or for the more sophisticated thomasfoolery. Just check out the XKCD website or Youtube. Well as for the colour change, that's pretty much all I can do as a April Fools Day joke with my current level of computer training.. I'm not exactly what you'd call a computer wizard.

 I'll never let you get your hands on the Philosopher's stone, Viraldemort!

Maybe by next April Fools Day I'll have something better planned, but I wouldn't hold your breath. As for the today's post. A friend of mine is going in for a job interview at some accounting firm, and I've decided to dedicate this post to him and and all the other schlubs looking for a job in today's market.

So you need a job?
With the recent economic downturn, it would seem that all the money in our economy has mysteriously disappeared and reappeared in China's economy. Now I'm not saying that the reason for this is because the Chinese have invented some sort of money teleporter,  but I'm also not not saying it. As a result us we North Americans now need our jobs more than ever so we can afford to buy more crap from........China. But unfortunately, we've already  given most of our jobs away to........China. Crap.
 

您不可能大概讀此。

As a result  the job market has been whipped up into a frenzy, and with more applicants than jobs, only the best, brightest and dating the boss' daughter-est of us will prevail and chances are if you're reading my blog you are none of these. However,  fortunately for you reader, I have several handy tips that will give you the edge you need against the competition.

Tip #1: Dress sharp. It is a well known fact that your first impression is generally the most lasting in your employers eyes. So dress sharp. No, literally. Wear something that is really really pointy. Consider hotgluing several cacti to your business attire and/or carrying a nail gun with you at all times. Hardwired in the human psyche is fear of sharp and pointy things. By wearing things that are sharp and/or pointy, you are showing your superiors that you are both fearless and to be feared. Also that you could probably kill them with a hug.

Don't laugh, this guy could easily buy and sell your ass.

Tip #2: All's fair in love and interviews. Deliberately sabotage your opponent by any means necessary. Here I've provided several examples. But really your only limit here, is your imagination!   

-Secretly add several drops of Epacac into their water bottle. 

-Replace their powerpoint presenation with a slide show labelled "Venereal Diseases of the World". -

-Set their car on fire

-Tuck a Klan hood into the back pocket of their pants as they walk into their interview.

-While they're in the washroom, fill their briefcase with baby cobras.

- Pay an actor to play their drug addicted son.

-Shoot them with the nail-gun from Tip #1

Tip #3: Lie. It amazes me how many people forget about this little gem. Your competition says he has worked in the field for 5 years? Sprinkle a little lying and BAM! You've been doing whatever he's being doing for over a decade. They coach an inner city basket ball team? You coached a inner city wheelchair basketball team. They went to Harvard? You went to Super Harvard.With the power of lying you can accomplish pretty much anything; and it's not like they're going to check personally. Even if they do decide to check your credentials, they'll probably pass that job off to their secretary or other low waged minion.Then all you have to do slip a little cash their way, and you're made in the shade.

Well Dolores, I'd have to say my favorite musicians are the ,ahem, "Jackson 5"

Tip #4:Don't bother with the interview. Instead just show up at work one day and start doing the job. Not only will this show your employers, that you are both assertive and a self-starter, it keep them from having to waste their time interviewing people. Also thanks to the cold, mechanical nature of the workplace, most people will not notice the person working besides them is someone completely different. If someone does notice however, and asks who you are, simply answer "Really?" and look at them like it's fairly obvious question and that they are an idiot. Alternatively, you could respond with a "Oh so a (black person/woman/jew) can't be a (the title of the job)?!?! What are we, living in the middle ages?" Then just storm off angrily, and spend the rest of the day hiding in a bathroom stall.

Well reader, that ends yet another one of my post. Don't you touch that address bar though, because sometime in the next couple of days, I'll be having my  20th blog-iverssary blog-stravaganza blog-tacularrrrrr(You gotta roll the r's). As for now, I'm going to get back building my doom sphere, or as you probably know it, the moon. So until next time, don't forget you only have 40 more soul-crushing years of labour until you can retire as a broken, defeated, feeble old man :)